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Post by Ralin O'Faerlun on Jul 22, 2011 23:47:14 GMT -5
Sleep drifted just out of reach, as if trying to evade his troubled thoughts. For several hours Ralin had been turning around in his bed, shoulder, back, stomach. Nothing worked. His mind was a jumbled mess, as though the verdant grove of a healthy mind had become a sodden morass, a swamp of muddy thoughts and troubled emotions.
Finally, Ralin couldn't take it any more. He screamed his frustration into his pillow, and then threw it across the room. The young man got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom light, switching on the light. Bright green eyes stared back at him, dark circles under his eyes belying the lack of sleep he'd been struggling with lately.
He glared at the deep scars across his shoulder and chest, claw marks of a werewolf, and then the points of teeth on his shoulder; where he had been bitten, and his whole life had been twisted into something new. Something...cursed.
With one hand he traced the scars, felt the uneven skin under his fingertips. Emotion spread from the feel of the scars into his heart, and caused tears to burn in his eyes. Ralin couldn't look at his reflection any more.
Pulling on a sweater, wearing only his pajama pants, and no shoes, he grabbed his broomstick and slammed the window open with angry force. One pane of glass dropped from its place and hit the floor with a dull shatter. Nimbly hopping on his broom, Ralin raced out the window and into the embrace of the cool night air.
In a whooosh! of air Ralin soared higher, hugging the walls of the towers all around him, passing windows and parapets, spiraling upwards until he reached the highest of them all: the Astronomy Tower.
Landing clumsily, the young man left the broom where it was, crossing to the edge of the tower. With a deep sigh, he sat on the edge of the parapet, dangling his legs over the edge.
Ralin gazed up at the stars. The moon wasn't up, thank heavens for that. Even the sight of an un-full moon made him shudder in fear. But the stars lit the entire sky, and the world, with a pale, soft glow, as if everything in the dark night was infused with light, reflecting back the star-glow.
The beauty and peace of the night only made his heart ache more. Images flashed through his mind, from the first time he'd shifted, of being mauled by the werewolf, waking in the hospital, the bad news the mediwizard gave him. Reckony's cold words about him, Maebh's still form in his arms. Theo's hunched, weary shoulders as he took the brunt of Reck's anger. When it should have been Ralin instead.
Before, he'd been a young man, a friend to many, merry and light-hearted. Now he was...a monster. And what should he do about it? Was he, even now after the potion, a danger to those around him? Could he possibly hurt people like his brothers, his friends, if he wasn't strong enough? How was a person supposed to deal with this curse? Was it better if he stayed away from everyone?
Ralin gritted his teeth, feeling hot tears tracing lines down his cheeks. The pressure inside was building, growing, making him feel sick from all that he'd suppressed since the incident of being cursed.
"I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THIS!" Ralin yelled to the empty sky, his throat raw as sobs shook his shoulders. He drew his knees to his chest and rested his face in his arms, crying as the fear, sorrow, and other painful emotions won over his strength.
What was he supposed to do? Ralin felt lost, terribly alone and scared. Scared of the fearsome power inside of him, scared of what he might do and regret. Scared of what his loved ones would do. Would they turn away from him? His mind became a whirlwind of frightened thoughts, anguished questions, and draped with the heavy burden of sorrow at his plight.
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Post by Theo Bowre on Jul 27, 2011 1:14:21 GMT -5
"I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THIS!"
"Yes you are." The reply was nothing more than a whisper, but it was spoken with such conviction and such sincerity that it mind as well have been screamed in to the cool evening air. Heavy boots balanced on the rooftop tiles. "You forget who you are. Where you come from. There are strong wizards in our world, Ralin, but not all of them are strong people. You survive because you are both."
Theo tucked his hands inside the pockets of his mackinaw and began the slow descent down the slanted tower roof. It was a brother's intuition that called him to Hogwarts after the Harkness family dinner. He and Ralin had parted ways after the attack on Hogsmeade and something inside convinced him that while his young friend had survived physically from the fire-fight, there was the emotional undercurrent of Ralin's gift that always followed a transformation.
The beater sighed wearily and took a seat beside the boy, dangling his legs over the edge of the parapet in a similar fashion. After several silent moments, his arm found its way around Ralin's shoulders and he pulled him close.
"There's no shame in what you are, bauy. Everything in this world has a stigma. What matters is what you do with the power you've been given. I know you suffer and I know the hand you were dealt wasn't fair, but if there is anyone in this godforsaken place that can do something positive with it, it's you Ralin. I honest to Merlin believe that, and it makes me very proud."
Theo broke the brotherly embrace with a hand on the back of Ralin's head, given it a loving rub.
"I want to help you, but I need you to tell me the best way to do that. Just know that I love you and that I'll protect you to the death."
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Post by Ralin O'Faerlun on Aug 4, 2011 4:04:33 GMT -5
A soft voice, and a gentle touch around Ralin's shoulder brought him back from the edge of despair, broke into the trembling thoughts of his anguish. Weary eyes lifted to meet his brother's face as he spoke. Every word seemed drenched through with conviction, comfort. As he drew Ralin into an embrace, at first the young man shuddered at the touch, reviling against the closeness, fearing it.
He felt like a pond that was overflowing with stormwater, the surface churned into chaotic riffles and waves, edges fighting the urge to overflow, to pour out and drown him. The touch of kindness from Theo was almost his undoing, almost broke through that shell, and for a moment he was afraid of the rawness within, and didn't want Theo to see it. He shrank from it, but did not retreat from the hug.
Ralin looked at Theo through eyes blurry with tears. He saw in his face that gentle but sure conviction of his heart, something Theo sometimes laughed about as a weakness, but Ralin always admired him for. He saw the love his brother held for him. Would it be enough...for the monster that Ralin could become? For the fear of losing those dearest to him, driving them away?
"Theo..." Ralin whispered, his face buried in the man's shoulder for a moment, but then feeling the coolness of the wind as they parted from the hug.
"I want to help you, but I need you to tell me the best way to do that. Just know that I love you and that I'll protect you to the death."
Ralin trembled. He looked down at his hands, and for a long moment he didn't speak. "It's hard...knowing what's inside me now. I...I don't know where to go now. Theo, I feel so lost sometimes. Everything was clear, where I wanted to go, to be. Now...it's all pieces. This new enemy, she seems to attack the inside of you, not the outside. Like her true battlefield is in the heart and mind."
He looked up at Theo with shadowed eyes. "I'm afraid, Theo. Of what I'll find on that battlefield. Reckony he...I..." he shook his reddish hair. "I think I hurt him somehow. I took you away from protecting what was really important. I should have fought my own battle."
I want to help you, but I need you to tell me the best way to do that. No one had ever asked him that before. Ralin always tried to hide his troubles with a smile, preferring to face life, with all its trials, with a merry optimism. Now, he didn't know how to face it best. He wanted that spark back.
A flash of fangs and claws. Firelight. The memory hit Ralin, the feeling of the change inside him. Full moon. A memory ago, not in the present. But he stumbled to his feet and away from Theo.
"How can you help me, Theo?" He bit out angrily. "Can you protect yourself from me? What if I become a monster! What if..." he drew off with a shaky breath.
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Post by Theo Bowre on Aug 5, 2011 0:40:34 GMT -5
Theo's hold on Ralin tightened as the young man's slight form shook and trembled. He could not know the full extent of Ralin's anguish, but seeing the toll the condition took upon his physical and emotional self shocked anyone who knew the red-haired lad. Gone from the boy's eyes, from his heart, was the spark that made him Ralin O'Faerlun: the fun-loving, sun-worshipping spirit that drew everyone in and loved unconditionally. Ralin's life was now only full of doubt and despair, as though he had difficulty finding something left to live for. Above all else, this crushed Theo. Ralin was born a fighter. He had experienced an unfathomable amount of darkness in his young life, but he never, ever gave up. It terrified Theo that Ralin might not have the strength left to fight this.
"It's hard...knowing what's inside me now. I...I don't know where to go now. Theo, I feel so lost sometimes. Everything was clear, where I wanted to go, to be. Now...it's all pieces. This new enemy, she seems to attack the inside of you, not the outside. Like her true battlefield is in the heart and mind."
"I know, buddy. I know." Theo rubbed Ralin's back with small circles, allowing his younger brother to release the torrent building inside of him. Mosrael's power was beyond the beater's ability to comprehend. Everything she had done had been a calculated strike, designed to destroy as many lives as possible at once. Ralin was right - she was too smart to make it physical. This way she left no evidence. "But she can't have you, Ralin. She can't. And your gift cannot dictate your life either. You're just a boy. A dear, sweet boy. With your whole life ahead of you. Nothing and no one has the right to limit your potential. And you owe it to yourself not to hijack it either. Don't close the doors before they've had the chance to open. We take it a day at a time. We'll deal with whatever comes as a family."
"I'm afraid, Theo. Of what I'll find on that battlefield. Reckony he...I...I think I hurt him somehow. I took you away from protecting what was really important. I should have fought my own battle."
"Okay, now you need to stop right there." Theo sat back, looking at Ralin carefully, meaning business. "This is all I'm going to say about Reckony and what happened today. He had no right to suggest that you were any less important, Ralin, and while I think he made that comment blindly and out of despair, he still made it and I'm going to deal with that. YOU are not the cause of my problems with Reckony. It's strictly between me and him. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. I made my choices and I made them because I love you. I would make them again in an instant. And that's all we're going to say about today."
Theo picked up a loose rock from the tower roof and rolled the soft stone in his hand, finding his thoughts in several places at once.
"How can you help me, Theo? Can you protect yourself from me? What if I become a monster! What if..."
Ralin's frustration was evident as he barked out the comment. The volume made Theo flinch slightly, but that was all. There was no anger, no hurt. Ralin wasn't lashing out at him. He was fighting a full-out war.
"Then you become a monster. But I don't think that's what you are, Ralin." Theo tossed the rock in to the night sky. "Werewolves are a misunderstood species and I'm not going to pretend that there aren't those out there who think they should be captured and regulated. But werewolves have been around forever and there are many who have learned to manage their gift so that they can still take their place in society. Is it a challenge? Yes. Is it a death sentence? No. And you're bright enough and strong enough to show those naysayers what you're capable of. I believe in you. I trust you. And to answer your question, if you bite me I will kick your ass." The corner of Theo's mouth tugged upwards.
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Post by Ralin O'Faerlun on Aug 13, 2011 21:51:37 GMT -5
A small smile escaped him at Theo's last comment. Then Ralin's shoulders slumped, the angry energy suddenly spent, exhausted. It was hard to keep up a good face day to day, when inside he was so confused and conflicted. Being strong all the time had its price, one that he kept putting on a tab and ignoring. It wasn't in him to just give up, or give in. He fought back, no matter the odds. But how long was the fight going to last?
"Theo...I..." Ralin slowly sat down next to his brother again. "You call it a gift, what I have. Not many do. It's always been called a curse; a burden that I'll never be able to get rid of. But you think of it as a gift."
That was Theo's way; he saw the world in terms of potential, the brightness that lay beyond the shadow in someone. His strength of belief despite the odds stacked against him, it had always been a source of guidance for Ralin, inspired him to stand taller, and to believe more firmly in others.
Green eyes searched the man's face. "I hope I can learn to see it as a gift, like you. You asked how you can help me...don't let me lose myself. Help me remember who I am, the real me, if you know what I'm talking about. Sometimes when things get really tough, I feel like I'm losing who I am." He gripped Theo's arm.
"And no matter what happens, because I'm afraid that there's a new conflict coming, maybe even a war...bad things will happen. Battles and such, who knows where we'll be led. But can you promise me, we'll always find each other in the end? We're brothers, and nothing can take that from us, right?"
Ralin had seen other people close to him come and go. Whether life took them elsewhere, or in the previous times of conflict while he was in school when they were separated, it was something that scared him, a quiet fear that nestled close to his heart, always present. His fear of losing those he cared for. He believed that Theo knew Ralin would die for him, if he needed to protect him. But if they were separated in the times to come, all he wanted was for them to find each other again.
"Er, Theo...can I ask you one other thing?" Ralin's voice became timid, uncertain. This was one thing he'd never quite figured out, and the uncertainty made his feet feel like they were on sand instead of hard stone, unsure and out of balance. "Why do you believe in me so much? Do you really see a gift when you look at what I've become? How do you see the best in me?"
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